SOCRATES: Why does your drawer have all of these things you haven’t used in 5 years?
YOU: Those things might come in useful someday.
SOCRATES: 12 dried-out Sharpies, 11 bent paper clips, 10 loyalty cards, 9 dead batteries, 8 rubber bands, 7 keys of unknown use, 6 boxes of staples, 5 broken cords, 4 calling cards, 3 empty lip balms, 2 AOL disks, and a screen protector for a phone you no longer have.
YOU: Christmas is over. What’s with the 12 days of Christmas riff?
SOCRATES: This is your drawer, not mine. Why don’t you get rid of this stuff?
YOU: I paid good money for this stuff.
SOCRATES: So what?
YOU: It would be financially irresponsible to just get rid of them.
SOCRATES: Being financially responsible is important to you?
SOCRATES: Does that mean you have set aside a generous rainy day fund?
SOCRATES: I see. Does that mean you have been making large contributions to your retirement accounts?
YOU: Umm. No.
SOCRATES: Does that mean you are avoiding consumer debt such as carrying credit card balances or car loans?
YOU: Ummm. No.
SOCRATES: Tell me. What does financial responsibility mean to you other than holding onto stupid useless crap you don’t need?
SOCRATES: Answer the question.
YOU: Ummm. Buying more stupid useless crap at really great sale prices?
SOCRATES: Why do you call buying stupid useless crap and keeping stupid useless crap being financially responsible?
SOCRATES: Here. You need a drink.
YOU: Hemlock IPA?!?!? That would kill me. I have no use for this stuff.
SOCRATES: Looking at your junk drawer, I see you like to hold onto things you have no use for. Drink up!